Phil takes Haley on a college tour of his old alma mater, and Claire, having a rare night alone, forces Mitchell and Cameron to take her for a fun night out with the boys -- but ends up alone with one particular man candy who is anything but gay. Meanwhile, Gloria and Jay deal with a potential situation at home that may require having "the talk" with Manny.
Phil is excited about showing Haley around his Alma mater, even high-fiving a student...who was actually shading his eyes. But Go Bullfrogs! Actually, it's Bulldogs. Claire always makes that mistake, but given how Phil 'barks' at his old frat buddies on the phone, the confusion is understandable. Phil wanted to take Haley and slide down a hill on cafeteria trays, but Haley isn't really enjoying things that much, although she certainly had no problem waving to the guy checking her out. Which Phil took as a positive sign, although he didn't actually see the guy because he was too busy practicing with the cheerleaders. He had a whole evening planned for Haley, including listening to a male choral group on the quad, but the tour guide invited Haley to a student mixer, and Phil couldn't let her be bored with the old man.
Manny is at that age where he's starting to notice the girls. Which he did before, but now he's noticing them for the same reason all thirteen-year-olds notice them; they're starting to hit puberty. The word "Bella" written all over his notebook was Gloria's first clue something was up. The large package Manny snuck up to his room was the second. Gloria was worried, but Jay figured it was nothing. Besides, he had to watch that Colombian soap opera Gloria wanted him to watch with her.
Claire had Alex and Luke sleeping over at friends' houses, so she had a night to herself, and she wasn't going to waste it. She immediately went to the party animals for help: Mitchell and Cameron. However, dinner at a sit-down family restaurant that supported the local elementary school was not what she had in mind. She wanted to hear music and breathe in second-hand smoke, maybe even stuff money down the speedo of a cage dancer like she did back in the day. Mitch mistakenly mentioned a gallery party Longines was supposed to be at, and Cam had to take his pot pie to go. Sure enough, Claire was having a lot of fun. Cam and Mitch? Not so much.
As it turns out, Julian is Longines' trainer, not boyfriend. And he's straight. Which Claire might have found out had she not been drunk off her behind. And trying on a dress in his presence.
At Jay and Gloria's, she can't get that box Manny got out of her mind. Jay tells her boys are supposed to keep secrets from their mothers at his age, but Gloria won't have it. Jay tells her he probably is on his computer looking for 'movies'. That ticks her off and she storms out. Jay is upset, especially since Renaldo got shot! (Colombian soap opera)
Mitchell and Cameron find out about this. But they have a bigger problem. The valet switched cars on them and someone took their car home. Cam was up in arms about how to get their car back, but Mitchell punches the "home" button on the car's GPS, and problem solved. Cam has a look around and notices Jay-Z tickets, a parking pass to Yosemite, and several other fun places they always said they go to but never did. Mitchell tries to argue they have Lily now, but the car they were in had a car seat in the back. They admitted they were in a rut, but perhaps the couple whose car they had could be people they went out with and did fun stuff. But the lady smashing the car with the baseball bat changed that.
Phil had no hesitation about letting Haley go off on her own because he had a tracker in her mobile phone, which showed she went to the Pi Chi fraternity. Now he had SERIOUS hesitations about it. He went storming into the fraternity and caught Haley drinking with someone. A friend of hers from school who was also visiting the college. And she was drinking ginger ale. She was furious and Phil tried to chase her down and apologize. A campus officer didn't interpret it that way, although the way Haley went off on how much Phil was embarrassing her was enough evidence. Haley wants to know what he's going to do when she really goes to college. Haley reminded him college was still a year away, but she was willing to try sledding on the trays.
Gloria makes it home and all but begs Jay to talk to Manny. If Manny was downloading movies like Jay thought, Gloria wanted Jay to talk to him and answer any questions he might have. Jay really didn't want to do it, but a scream by Manny that he was stuck ended his argument. It turns out Manny bought inversion boots. He also was wearing a weighted helmet. He was trying to make himself taller because Bella didn't like him because of his lack of height. Gloria goes to get Manny some ice for the bump on his head, and Jay reassures him he'll get tall eventually, but he just had to be patient. Jay told him he used to workout to get the girls, and he'd help Manny do the same. He'd even try a few pull-ups on the bar in Manny's room. Which promptly broke off.
Claire delivered Luke's retainer since she had it with her, only he was sleeping over where she told someone she was too sick to watch a movie earlier. It turns out the ladies didn't get to see the end of Gone with the Wind because the DVR broke. But Claire saw it (no she didn't), and the ladies ask her how it ended. Claire was a little too hammered to answer, but perhaps Julian could answer that for her. She insists he's gay, and he keeps denying it. She thinks he's kidding, but she undressed in front of him and insisted on a massage. Finally she gave up when she realized the red dress she picked out looked great on her...according to straight Julian.
JAY: We all struggle with limitations. Some we're willing to accept, and some we're not. It's never too late to grow in life...thanks to our patented Lengthenator?
Gloria couldn't believe Manny spent $50 on it.
JAY: I know. He could have gotten a two-year subscription to Playboy for that.
GLORIA: (whales on Jay with a Styrofoam frame from the Lengthenator) HE IS NOT GETTING THE PLAYBOY EVER!! HE'S A LITTLE BOY!
(The characters striked out do not appear in this episode)
- Jay Pritchett
- Gloria Pritchett
- Manny Delgado
- Joe Pritchett
- Claire Dunphy
- Phil Dunphy
- Haley Dunphy
- Alex Dunphy
- Luke Dunphy
- Mitchell Pritchett
- Cameron Tucker
- Gilles Marini as Julian
- Kevin Daniels as Longines
- Andrea Savage as Holly
- Artemis Pebdani as Bethenny
- Jordan Nichols as Ben Ford
- Rico E. Anderson as Policeman
- Mandi Kreisher as Co-Ed
- Cory Knauf as Darts Player
- Anastasia Basil as Jilted Wife
- Danny Zuker as Danny
- Claudia Choi as Holly's Friend
- Nika Williams as Shopper
- Julie Bowen submitted this episode and won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series.
- Luke uses retainer.
- Lily does not appear.
- Anastasia Basil also appears in "The Future Dunphys" as Sydney.
- Holly asks Claire if she wants to see Gone with the Wind with other mothers.