|Total Episode Count||8|
|Written By||Joe Lawson|
|Directed By||Jason Winer|
|Air Date||November 18, 2009|
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Jay has a sleepover for his grand kids, but Haley is looking for a way out. Claire tries to get a perfect anniversary gift for Phil, and Mitch and Cam discover that their lady friend is just a little too crazy and jealous of their daughter.
We are at the Dunphy household where it's Phil and Claire's anniversary. Phil has set up a View-Master slide show of (presumably) their honeymoon, where his perm really framed his face, and added a little slide of a beautiful bracelet, which she was confused about and she didn't know she wanted...until he gave it to her. Her present for him? Coupons for 5 free hugs. She claims he never wants anything, but he gets "interviewed" and says he does actually want things: wants "Robot dog, night-vision goggles, bug vacuum, G.P.S. Watch, speakers that look like rocks. I love my wife, but she sucks at giving gifts. I'm sorry for the pay-channel language, but- Oh, yogurt maker! I can't not think of things I want!".
We are at the Tucker and Pritchett household, where Mitch and Cameron recite the information on Lilys' diapers: Cameron says 'Triple Leakage Protection' and then Mitch says 'LeakLock' and 'Contours to protect her little body' and then Cam says 'No gapping or chapping' and realise that they've hit that proverbial wall that all new parents hit: they need a night out with no baby talk Mitch thinks it'll make them better parents if- Which is where Mitch is cut off by Cam, when he says that he doesn't need to advertise it to him anymore as he's already in. Cam then gets the idea of enlisting Gloria's help with babysitting Lily, so they can party with Sal. It seems that she is the ultimate uninhibited party animal...and that's before she's had some booze. Cam says that hanging out with her is like an Amsterdam Saturday night every day of the week. Mitch then says "And, ironically Sal's not allowed back into Amsterdam.".
We are at the Pritchett household where Gloria is on the phone with Mitchell and Cameron who are now giving the news that they are making Gloria take care of Lily, Gloria seems thrilled to have Lily over, although Claire and Phil's kids are already sleeping over, now even Jay is enthused. Manny is more than a little excited about Haley coming over as he has a crush on her, so Jay tells Manny that they are related (Step-Niece, Step-Uncle) and he will ready the hose on him at any time to stop Manny from flirting with Haley. It's Jay's Night, where everybody is in their PJ's, he makes Sloppy Jay's, which are Sloppy Jo's, but since they are made by Jay he has to rename them, and they watch a Western. Jay says that the kids don't like to watch the Western movies but he does and they put up with it because it's Jay's night and they love family.
We are back with the Dunphys, where Haley wants to hang out at a party at a boy's house down the street instead of going to Jays' house for Jays' Night to which Claire tells her no as she has already made a commitment and needs to spend time with her family, Haley tells Claire that she also doesn't want to go because Manny seems to just stare at her in an inappropriate manner, Alex tells her that she should wear a bra. Claire then goes crazy because Alex then says that she wants to go as she says that she wants to spend time with family and then starts to be her usual self: convincing Luke that Grandpa doesn't have a lot of time left to which Claire tells Alex off telling Luke his grandpa is fine, but Alex carries on and has to whisper "For now". A person at the door has delivered Flowers to Claire at her door which implies that Phil has added flowers and balloons to Claire's present. When this happens Phil tells Claire that he doesn't want her to feel bad about only giving him the coupons. Claire tells him she doesn't feel bad because she has the rest of his present ready for him tonight. Claire gets "interviewed" where she says "I got nothing. I'm so screwed" implying she really hasn't got anything for Phil accept the coupons as she really doesn't know what to get him.
We are back with Mitch and Cam who meet Sal at a loud nightclub. Sal is the party girl she always was, even introducing them to her two best friends: her breasts, which have been enlarged. Sal tells them to feel them, and Mitch tells her he's "gay not dead" and then asks Cam if he's okay with it which he implies he's fine and Mitch says "I'm coming in" while they both just stare at her breasts in awe.
We are back with Jay who is cooking, Gloria comes in singing badly to Lily, who is in her arms, Jay asks if Lily seems to like her singing, Glloria tells him "Yes, it relaxes her" and under his breath Jay says "So, Lily's deaf", the doorbell rings and Manny is already freshning up; waiting for Haley, Jay answers the door and welcomes Luke, Alex and Haley, Alex tells Gloria "Ola!" and Gloria "Ola!"'s back, Manny jumps in with an "Well hello there, Haley" which evidently creeps Haley out, Jay tells him to take it down a notch. Jay asks if everyone is ready for fun, Luke gives him a look and when Jay asks what, Luke hugs him and tells him that he loves him and won't forget him, believing what Alex said: Jay is dying. And Jay tells him "Back at ya, champ", Jay asks Haley where are her Pyjamas are and Haley tells him they're in her bag but she wants to talk about something but Alex is quick to shoot it down telling Jay that she wants to go to a party with Dylan, Haley tells her to shut up and tells Jay that it's at her friend Andrews' house. Haley tells him "So I wouldn't ask you this, because I love coming to your house, but it's kind of an important party, and I-" and is cut off by Jay finishing what she means "Somebody invites you over, the last thing you wanna do is insult them." Jay tells Haley that he's glad they agree, but Haley misunderstands what Jay is telling her: You're not going to the party, you're staying here because it's Jays' Night. Alex is quick to say "You really don't understand what just happened there, do you?" Haley seems confused and Jay shouts down "P.J.'s on, Haley!". Manny tells Jay that he would be happy to let Haley change in his room, Hay comes back and sprays him with a spray bottle 3 times.
We are back with the Dunphys, where the situation swaps around from last time the doorbell rings and it is for Phil instead from Claire. Phil gets the door in excitement, and sees Izzy LaFontaine at the door he introduces himself with "Rock on, Phil Dunphy!" Claire, having finally found something for Phil, says "Read it and weep!" punching him playfully but in a way that has probably actually really hurt Phil, it seems that Phil doesn't actually know who it is while Izzy and Claire thinks he does. Claire explains in an "interview" that Phil loves 'Spandau Ballet' and the song "True" was playing in the car the first time they kissed, "It's our song. So I did some research, found out that the lead guitarist lives, like, 40 miles from here. He was in the phone book. How '80s is that?" We see Phil being "interviewed" where he says: "I never liked Spandau Ballet. Our entire marriage, I never once mentioned Spandau Ballet. Am I even pronouncing that right?" We come back to Phil and Claire who are with Izzy, Claire tells him that Izzy is here so he can play their song for them. We cut to an "interview" of Phil where he looks helpless and so confused only giving a gesture of "I don't know anymore".
We come back to Mitch and Cam who are in the strip club with Sal, who tells them that she misses them so much, and they toast to themselves, after they have all drunk their shots Sal slams her glass down while saying 'Cabo' startling Cameron and Mitchell, Mitchell asks her what she just said and Sal says: "Seriously, you bastards. We've been talking about it forever. We're doing it! We're going to Cabo. Let's do it! Let's do it!" Cam resists with a "All right let's go!", Mitchell agrees with Cam, Mitchells tells Cam they need to find someone to look after Lily. Sal asks Mitch and Cam "How much are you gonna pay me to go make out with the waitress?" Mitch and Cam decide and she gets up to do it, Cam says that he's going to go and check on Lily very quickly, Sal asks if he's going to do it right now and tells Cam he'll miss her slutting it up with 'Driving Miss Daisy' Mitch and Cam tell her it'll be very quickly and Sal joking-but-not-joking tell them they should kill that baby, which Mitch and Cam give her a look for saying. They call her back asking what she just said and she lies saying she said "You should call that baby". Cam, knowing that she's lying, asks if she just said what she said but is cut off by Mitchell saying that he may be slightly scared of her right now.
We come back to the Dunphys, the Pritchetts and Manny (Delgado), who are playing poker in the kitchen at the table. Jay tells them that he has got nothing, Gloria says she thinks she has a very good pair of cards, Jay tells her "you sure do" in a sexual refrence way, Alex says she has squat (nothing) and Haley says she has nothing as well, but when she puts down her cards Jay sees them and tells her that she has a straight meaning she's won the game. And Haley gets excited about winning the game. She says that she thinks she deserves a soda and what she really means is 'I'm going to go and sneak out of the house so I can go to the party' however Jay has already beat her and is mysetriously already outside changing a light bulb he gives Haley the metaphor "Now I can see everything that goes on around here". In an "interview" Jay says: "I've had a little practice at this. Haley wasn't throwing anything at me I hadn't seen before from her mother and then some. But nobody gets off The Rock".
We are back with Dunphys: Claire and Phil, where they start listening to a song from Izzy LaFontaine, before Izzy starts to play Phil tells Claire that Izzy is awesome and Claire tells him "You're welcome", Izzy doesn't exactly start playing a song, he's more tapping one string on the guitar while singing "Tonight, so right, so right, lover" and then tells Phil that he thinks Claire wants a kiss from him, Claire and Phil then kiss and Izzy tells him not to kiss her like she's his sister, Izzy stops playing and then says that it wasn't an okay joke to make stating that his sister lost her feet to complications from diabetes. WHen the situation turns sad, Phil asks to get Izzy some water, Izzy goes for tea; Chamomile. Claire gets up to get it and tells Phil to stay there as it's his present. Izzy asks Phil to name his playlist which makes things awkward when he realises that Phil doesn't know him or his bands songs, which Izzy tells Phil is humiliating because his music was amazing to people and now he feels like he is nothing. He's about to leave when Phil tells him the truth: Claire seems to think it's their song and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings and Izzy asks Phil what about his feelings telling Phil it was his career that went down south. Phil and Izzy argue but stop when Claire comes back and Phil lies; since Phil is touching Izzy's guitar, saying "He let me touch it!".
We come back to Cam and Mitch, where Mitch tells Cameron that he thinks he did actually hear Sal say "kill" and not "call", Cam tells Mitch that maybe it was just a joke, as she's always had a dark sense of humor. Cam gives Sal's halloween costume as an example: "When she came as Siegfried and part of Roy" which Mitch says was a little too soon. Mitch tells Cam that he's going to bring up Lily and show her some photographs when she comes back which she is right now. Sal sits at the table and says she got free drinks, Mitch tells Sal that she has to look at the photographs (of Lily), Sal asks what they are and Mitch tells Sal it's Lily at the Zoo, which Sal makes a remark saying: "Cute, cute, cute.", Sal tells them that they should bring Lily to Cabo, and then makes a remark saying that she'll throw her in the ocean, it seems that she thinks that Lily seems to kill the fun that Cam and Mitch have with her. Mitch asks what she said once again and Sal lies about what she said once again: "I said I gotta go pee", this time Cam does hear what she says and tells Mitch "that wasn't even close" meaning that what she said to cover up the lie didn't even sound close to what the lie sounded like. We have a cutscene.
And we come back with Mitch and Cam, Cam says: "I mean, what do we do? Do we say something? How do we even bring it up?" to which Mitchell tells Cam: "She threatened our child, and that's your concern- a segue?" and Cam goes onto a different path: "You know what this is?... This is first-child syndrome", Cam explains using 'second child' as a metaphor for Sal: "It's where the first child is happy, and then the second child comes along, and the first child gets jealous of the second child and starts acting out." Mitchell tells Cam that the idea is brilliant except that Sal isn't their child. Cam then tells Mitch that they've done everything for her that they would do for a baby. Sal climbs over to tell Mitch and Cam that when they go to Cabo they have to "find a hotel with a swim-up bar, 'cause this going back and forth to the bathroom is a fool's game. Okay, let's get more drinks". Mitchell tells Sal they they have to talk, and Cam says it's about Lily, Sal then tells Mitch and Cam, "Shocker!", Mitchell asks if it's "possible that maybe you're jealous of her?" Sal exclaims "What?!" as
she is astounded that Mitch and Cam would think that. Sal asks Mitch "Why would you say that?" Cam pitches in with: "Well, because you won't look at any pictures of her and you talked about killing her and throwing her in the ocean" Sal tells Mitch and Cam that it was all a joke and then asks to see photographs of "Yoko" and Mitch and Cam tell her she's doing it again and it doesn't seem like a joke, more like hidden anger and jealousy. Sal once again explains it's a joke "'Cause she's Asian and she broke up our group". Mitchell then asks Sal to at least acknowledge that we haven't been as close anymore and Cameron tells Sal that just because Lily is here doesn't mean that they love Sal any less. This promts Sal to really open up with: "We used to be really close, and you used to call me a lot. And now you never call me... And last week I had a really bad dream, and I was thinking, 'Okay, I'm gonna call them.' And then I thought, 'Oh, no, you can't call them because you might wake up their baby.'". Mitchell and Cameron then tell her always call us, we always be there. They then begin to have to treat her like a baby and then Sal falls asleep.
We are back in the Pritchett household, where Gloria is singing badly to Lily to get her to go to sleep, Gloria says that she doesn't know why she hasn't gone to sleep yet, Alex tells Gloria "I have a theory". Jay comes back from shopping and tells everyone that he got the Western movie: 'The Gunfighters', Jay tells Manny to heat up some popcorn. Jay asks Haley "You lookin' for these?" while holding up her shoes. Haley exclaims: "You took my shoes?", and Jay tells her: "No, I took your freedom. Sorry, kid. It ain't your night." and Haley asks Jay why he's being like this. Haley tells Jay that she only wanted to go to the party and would've been back 2 hours later. Haley storms off to Mannys' bedroom. Jay tells Gloria: "She's just like her mother" but Gloria doesn't agree with him: "Why are you treating Haley like this?", Jay tells her that "She's the one acting like a pill". Gloria tells him that he's taking it too personally, when she was Haley's age she loved her grandpa but she still wanted to go to parties and be with boys. Jay tells Gloria that he knows this, as Claire wanted to and Mitchell wanted to, but if someone tries to put something over on him they're going to lose. Gloria asks Jay if he's now going to make it into a big game that he's going to win, Jay tells Gloria that he is just trying to keep them around a little bit longer and infront of Luke he says: "Who knows how many nights like this I got left?" which promts Luke to hug Jay and say: "I miss you already" which weirds Jay out and makes him tell Luke to go and help the others out instead of being there with him, he then tells Luke he'll be there in a minute. Gloria tells Jay that it's great he wants to spend time with his granddaughter but asks Jay if it's really the way he wants to spend time with her: Her whining and moaning because he's trying to keep her a prisoner with him instead of letting her go to the party. Jay gives in when Gloria convinces him to let her go to the party, and Gloria tells him he's a good "Abuelo" (Grandfather) he heads for the back yard garden and Gloria tells him that she's upstairs to which Jay responds with "I know", we see Jay in the back yard shouting for Dylan, Dylan asks how Jay knew he was there and Jay tells him that's how he met Phil. We have a cutscene.
Dylan is now in the house with Haley who is now downstairs. Haley gives Jay mahalos (thank you's/gratitude) for allowing her to go to the party, Jay tells Haley he will track her down and Haley tells Jay that she believes he will. Dylan asks what he is smelling and Jay tells him that it's Sloppy Jay's and to help himself as there's a lot left, and Dylan realises the name change meaning. We see Manny look at Haley and Dylan and says to himself: "I can't believe she's into this guy." Gloria tells Dylan that she'll fix him a plate of Sloppy Jays if he wants some and Dylan replies with a yes, Haley asks "What about the party" and Dylan implies that he's no longer interested. Gloria tells Haley "Don't fight it Haley they never grow up" and that there is no changing his mind this is just what men do and you can't tell them any differently. Manny tells everyone that he's going into the kitchen for an esresso, he asks if anyone wants anything and off-screen Alex replies no thanks.
We are back with Claire and Phil at their house, where Claire is still in belief that "True" is their song, Claire has paper with words on it while Izzy starts to play the song "True". Claire says: "The year was 1991. America was immersed in Desert Storm. Meanwhile, stateside, another storm was brewing in my heart." Claire stops to ask if Phil thinks what she is doing is stupid. Izzy also asks "Is it stupid, Phil?" slightly implying their earlier argument should be brought to light with Claire in the room this time. Izzy and Claire carry on: "After a romantic dinner at Fratelli's, a certain nervous young couple shared their first kiss as the radio played this song." Claire and Phil hug and after a long time, Izzy stops and has to tell Claire the truth which Phil insists he doesn't but after Izzy convinces him, Phil tells Claire that this isn't their song, 'If You Leave' by OMD is, Claire then asks Phil if he is sure to which Phil is pretty sure as he sang it at their wedding. Claire then says that she is an idiot for thinking different and Izzy tells her that he is the idiot as it seems Phil fell in love to a breakup song. Phil then tells her that what she's done for him is beautiful and he still loves it. Claire then tells Phil that she hates the fact that he is so sweet and nice and the one chance she gets to make it up to him she fails. Claire then him that she loves him so much but feels as if he's never going to know it, Phil stops Claire saying he does know it. Phil then tells Claire that it's an awesome gift as he sets "True" to be their new song. Izzy jumps in with: "Sort of brought you back together, eh? Seems" Phil agrees with him, but in a way that implies he is annoyed he ruined their moment, he then jumps back in with: "Rekindled fires of a dying passion?" to which Phil then does the same thing. Izzy then again jumps back in with: "Shot a ray of hope into this gloomy suburban lie?" Claire and Phil then tell him to play the song as he is a little more than annoyed now. Claire and Phil then hug to "True".
There is an ending scene where, we are are back with the Jays' Night crew who are watching the Western movie, we see Haley feed Dylan food and Manny looks at them sipping his espresso disgustingly, we see that Sal, Cam, Mitch and Lily have now joined, Sal says that Lily is so sweet, now getting used to her Sal then says Lily is a little angel and as she goes to hold her, Mitchell gets up and stops her, still not trusting her a little. We see Luke standing over Jay testing to see if he has a pulse, as he is asleep. Jay wakes up and Luke says: "Oh thank God!" which evidently confuses Jay.
(The characters striked out do not appear in this episode)
- Jay Pritchett
- Gloria Pritchett
- Manny Delgado
- Joe Pritchett
- Claire Dunphy
- Phil Dunphy
- Haley Dunphy
- Alex Dunphy
- Luke Dunphy
- Mitchell Pritchett
- Cameron Tucker
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett
- Elizabeth Banks as Sal
- Edward Norton as Izzy LaFontaine (from Spandau Ballet)
- Reid Ewing as Dylan Marshall
- The episode is dedicated to David Lloyd, father of Christopher Lloyd who died 8 days before the airdate. At the end it features an "In Memory" screen dedicating the episode to David's life and quoting the famous line from "Chuckles Bites the Dust", which David wrote: "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants."
- Ty Burrell previously worked with Edward Norton in 'The Incredible Hulk' in 2008.
- The episode title references the novel of the same name by the writer Charles Dickens.
- Claire thinks that the song "True" by Spandau Ballet, was played when she and Phil first made out, although Phil says that the song is "If You Leave" by OMD.
- Sal refers to an old waitress as "Driving Miss Daisy".
- The film Gunslinger plays on TV at Jay's house.
- Mitch and Cam say that Sal had her halloween costume as Siegfried and a part of Roy, Siegfried and Roy are a German-American duo of former stage magicians and entertainers.