Phil: Kids! Get down here! Haley: Why are you guys yelling at us? We were way upstairs, just text me. Claire: Alright, that's not gonna happen. And, wow, you're not wearing that outfit. Haley: What's wrong with it? Claire: Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter about her skirt? Phil: Sorry. Oh yeah, that looks really cute, sweetheart. Haley: Thanks. Claire: No. It's way too short. People know you're a girl you don't need to prove it to them.
Haley: Nana got totally wasted. It was really funny... then it was gross.
Phil: I was a 'Hall-Raiser'. Haley: A what? Phil: I followed Hall and Oates around the country one summer. Rich girl just spoke to me. I was dating this girl. Not dating. I guess I was following her too.
Haley: Hey mom? Claire: Yeah? Haley: Can I have forty dollars for lunch? Claire: Forty dollars? Haley: I also need a book for school. Claire: A book? Haley: I want a dress. Claire: Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are? Alex: I'd be more worried that she couldn't come up with a single book title.