|Total Episode Count||149|
|Written By||Chuck Tathum|
|Directed By||Alisa Statman|
|Air Date||October 21, 2015|
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"The More You Ignore Me"
Claire is excited to give Haley and Alex a great experience for “Bring Your Daughter to Work Day” but the staff is not making it easy, and Phil takes Luke and Manny’s class out for community service day, which becomes a teachable moment in more ways than one. Elsewhere, Gloria is thrilled to be on jury duty leaving Jay to help out at Joe’s pre-school and he is not happy about it at all. Cam and Mitch disagree over which of their friends to invite to their party, so could Gloria help mediate?
We open with being at the household of Gloria and Jay, where Jay asks Gloria if she would buy a closet called- but is cut off by Gloria telling him to 'Shhh', she is on the phone and tells him that she is waiting to see if she gets to go tomorrow, Jay says "Jury duty" and tells her that there isn't any way that they could ever tell that she got it. Gloria tells Jay that he's a bad American, she says that it's a privilege to serve on a jury and for the first time she gets to be a part of it, Jay then tells her to talk to him when he's eating a tuna sandwich out of a macheine. Jay resumes his sentence "Anyway it's a distressed oak model that I like to call-" he is then cut off again by Gloria saying "Wait!" as she is receiving news down the phone, she then makes it evident that she's in. She recites as she's hearing down the phone "8 a.m. tomorrow, in structure C" Gloria makes it evident that she is extremely happy, Jay then asks "You're excited about a parking structure? It's not even A or B!", Gloria then tells Jay that he's going to have to take her place, working at Joe's pre-schol. Jay states that he can't do it as he already has a job, Gloria tells him to have Claire call his boss for him, Gloria states that Claire knows how to yell at people and read the newspaper. Jay then asks "What the hells wrong with that school? Aren't we paying them so we don't have to take care of our kid?!", Gloria tells Jay "That's not the way it works at 'The Learnin' Barn', you know that they want the parents to be involved so that they can bond with the kids", Jay says "What's wrong with schools today, I'm successful, and I had a nun with a mustache" Gloria tells him that he better get used to going there because if she gets put into a murder trial she could be gone for weeks. She then says that maybe she should tell them that she has experience on a firing squad. Jay then asks why she says crazy stuff like that, it isn't true, she walks off as he questions himself and her "Is it?", Jay then stops her asking "That new closet what did I say it was called" Gloria then tells him "You never said", Jay then says "Damn it, that's why I need a grease pencil in the shower"
[INTRO THEME SONG]
We are now at the household of the Dunphys', where Haley is on skype with Alex. Alex says "Ugh, I don't know Haley, I mean, he's really cute, and really smart and really funny, but, ugh he's always wearing clogs" Haley then says that if he is not a chef and nurse or a total salesman, Alex need to run. Phil interrupts with "Hey! If your mother had that attitude about a tool in clogs you two wouldn't have a Dad", we then see Claire get off the phone with her Dad, Jay, and say "Okay, thanks Dad, I won't let you down, bye", Claire then exclaims into the room with a "Guess what guys? I am going to be the bug boss at work tomorrow and coincidentally it's 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day' huh?", Luke then says "I'll go to work with you Mom" Phil then tells Luke to stop trying to get out of community service as he needs the hours to graduate. Claire then says "And you're not a daughter", Luke then asks Claire and Phil to sit down as there's something he wants to talk about, Phil then says "You're going", Claire then says "So, girls what do you say?" Haley tells her Mom that her and Alex aren't 8 and she has a job, Claire then tells her that she called in sick twice last week because you had a zit. Haley then explains "I work in a fashion, they told me not to come in", Claire then says "Alex, honey your last class tomorrow is at 10 am so if we hit the road-" Claire stops after Haley closes the laptop when Alex tells Haley to close the laptop so she doesn't have to hear the rest. Claire and Phil are "interviewed" where Claire says "Until now I was always a full time Mom, so the girls never had a chance to see the other side of me, you know: powerful woman in charge. Phil jumps in with "Yeah, cause we never get to see your tough side" Claire then gives Phil a look as he laughs.
We are now with Mitchell, Cam and Lily, Lily says "C'mon Daddy we're gonna be late for your work!", Lily then blows a whistle, Cam then says "I know, I'm excited too!" Cam then blows his whistle, Mitchell jumps in with "Okay, I was wrong, the whistles aren't better outside.", Cam asks if Mitchell is sure he can get all of the groceries home by himself, Mitchell then tells Cam in a sarcastic tone that he is actually scared as he's "never driven groceries home before!", we see Raymond then come up to Mitch, Cam and Lily with his introduction "Hey, you guys!", Mitch and Cam respond with "Raymond!", Mitch tells Raymond that it's been so long since they've seen each other, Raymond then says "Yeah, haven't seen you since... you know", Mitch and Cam then sigh with "Yeaaahhh" remembering when they last saw him. Mitch and Cam are "interviewed" where Mitchell says "Raymond and Jamarcus broke up 3 months ago and they've been together almost as long as we have", Cam jumps in with "Jamarcus got all the friends and Raymond got all the confidence to go shopping in his pyjamas". We come back to Cam, Mitch and Lily with Raymond, Raymond asks Cam and Mitch if they're having a party and Mitch and Cam deny that they are. Raymond then searches their bags naming "Olive Medley", "square napkins" and crackers. Cam then says "Well these things they're just more for a-" and then asks Mitch what he would call it, Mitchell then says "get together" and Cam then joins in. Mitchell then says that it's a last minute thing and it's no big deal. Raymond then says that it sounds fun, Cam tells him "No, it's not gonna be fun", we hear Mitchell over Cam says "It's just crackers..". Raymond then says "Well, I'll see you guys" Mitch and Cam say bye, Cam tells Raymond to take care of himself. Cam then sighs a sigh of relief and then says "That was close, I thought we were gonna have to invite him.", Mitchell then shouts to Raymond "Hey Raymond, you should come tonight!" which receives a look from Cam. Raymond then walks back, and asks "Really?!?", Mitch then says "It wouldn't be a get together without Raymond, would it Cam?", Cam then fake smiles and says "Absoultely, yeah!, we'd love- Oh you know what I should tell you, Jamarcus is gonna be there, so if that's gonna be uncomfortable we totally understand-" and is cut off by Raymond telling them "NO.. fine. I'll be there, it'll be nice to see Jamarcus again. Maybe he'll bring one of his shirtless ab sluts I've seen on his Facebook page" Mitch and Cam then mouth "Wow!" Raymond then finishes with "I'll see you guys, looking forward to it!" Mitch and Cam can be heard over him saying "Hmm, yeah, you too". When Raymond leaves, Cam turns to Mitchell and blows his whistle, Mitchell asks him what he was supposed to do, "I mean, he was all sad and pathetic and broken and-" Cam says "Oh, well yes the perfect edition, to any party! They are gonna be at each others' throats and ruin the whole night.. Thanks to you we're throwing the anti-social event of the season!", Mitchell exclaims "Cam!", Cam then says "NO, I'm late and I'd like to leave on that".
We come back to Jay who is with Joe on their way to 'The Learnin' Barn' pre-school, Jay walks up to a teacher, saying "Hi! I'm here." the teacher says "Well, this is a special treat, I spy with my little eye a first-time volunteer" Jay then says "Gloria had Dury Duty so, there's no chance I could get out of this by pretending to be racist?" the teacher gives him a look which tells him no. Jay then says "Anyway what do you need?" The teacher tells him that he can set up the paints, make kale smoothies and wipe down the rabbit hutch. Jay then says "Alright, Margaret, paints, kale smoothies and-" but is then interrupted by the teacher asking who Margaret is, Jay then says "Margaret, my assisstant", Margaret then tells the teacher that she couldn't have children and the teacher then tells Jay "this is not how it works with parent volunteers", Jay then tells the teacher "You're already playing fast and loose with that term 'volunteers' so, what do you say?", the teacher then tells him that "as much as we don't like to use the word no-" and then is cut off by Jay saying "By the way if any of these little tanks start acting up she's (pointing at Margaret) not afraid to get out the wooden spoon", the teacher then says "Jay, I know it's a little scary, but you're going to have to let her go" Jay then says "I don't want her to go", the teacher then starts talking to Maragret "Maragret, just go, I'll distract him." the teacher then starts to walk away with Jay, Jay turns around to Margaret and asks her to come back, the teacher tells Margaret not to turn around. Jay and the teacher then walk off together.
We are now with Phil, Manny, Luke and the other teenagers who are doing community service. The teenagers, Luke, Manny and Phil get out of his car and Phil starts with "Okay, men! Gather 'round, teachable moment, don't think of community service as a requirement, think of cleaning up this park as an opportunity" Luke then asks Phil "To get hepatitis?", Phil tells him to make the world a better place. Manny then jumps in with "That's why I'm here I already did my required hours." Luke then tells Manny "That's a fancy way of saying you're a virgin", Manny then says "Joke all you want but this loks good on a application to NYU or MYUCLA or (points to Luke) KFC" Phil then tells the boys to stop trash talking and start "trash picking up". Someone then walks up to Phil introudction: "Hey there he is!" to which Phil says "Hey! You.", the guy then asks "how long's it been Mr. Real Estate?" Phil then says "Well, you tell me Mr. You". Phil is then "interviewed" where he says: "I'm usually really good with names and faces but I could not remember who this guy was. Fortunately I've found that one perfectly worded question can get you all the information you need", we then come back to Phil and the guy Phil asks how things are with him the guy tells him that things are good with him and he asks "How's the beautiful wife?" In the background we see that Luke is listening into their conversation. Phil then tells him that Claire's great and then thanks him for asking. Phil then asks "How your... situation?" the guy then says "same old, same old, actually I'm glad I'm running into you like this, my car just got towed and my wallet and cellphone were in there, could you possibly lend me some money for cab fare?" Phil then tells him yes, the guys sighs a sigh of relief and Phil takes out his wallet and says "How's err, $40 with a little extra in case you run into trouble? I wanna make sure you get back to your house in err (Phil then waits for the guy to state where he lives)" the guy then says "time of dinner, I hope" the guy then starts laughing and Phil awkwardly laughs along with him. Luke then calls out "Dad", the guy then sees Luke and says "Oh my God, last time I saw you, you were so small!" the guy and Phil then say goodbyes. Luke then says "Dad, that guy just scammed you" Phil then tells him "No, he didn't" Luke then tells him that it's the classic scam: You pretend you know someone and then borrow money. Phil then replies "Okay, men gather 'round teachable moment-" Phil is then cut off when he sees that the men have been standing there for quite some time. "Just a circle, gather means a circle." Phil then asks what they just saw. One teenager says "A suirrel eating a band-aid?", Phil then tells him no. "You saw a man helping out a friend in need." Luke then asks "If he was your friend, what's his name?" Phil then says "That's slipped my mind", Luke then asks "Do you recognise him at all?" Phil then tells the boys not to be cynics like Luke "Don't let your skinny jeans cut off the the blood to your hearts" Manny then says "I'm with you Phil, I choose to believe in the goodness of men", Luke then points out that Manny has a condom stuck on his shoe.Manny then looks down and gets grossed out.
We are back with Gloria who is at court. The defense attorney says "Defense also has no objection to Juror 14, moving on Juror 15" Gloria then states "Here! Ask me anything, I am an American" The defense attorney startled by Gloria's eagerness takes a step back and says "Alright, when someone hires a lawyer, do you think they're more likely to be guilty?" Gloria then replies with "No." The defense attorney then tells Gloria thank you. Gloria then turns to look at the person on trial and says "When they play with their hair like he is, that's when I know that they're guilty!" The defense attorney then turns to the Judge and says and tells him that they request dismissal of Juror 15 (Gloria) Gloria then asks "Why? I'm very good at reading people, he is guilty, and by the way so is the guy that is behind him", the Judge then tells Gloria that the guy behind him isn't even on trial. Gloria then states "Well, then he should be, I don't know what you did, but you did it!" after Gloria says this the guy who she is shouting starts to run out of the court. The defense attorney then says "Your honor!" Gloria then tells everyone "He's getting away!", the Judge then says "Juror 15, you are dismissed" and Gloria starts to panic "Ay, no! Please your excellency, I just want to do my part as a citizen", the Judge then says "Lady, you can stop acting crazy, you got out" meaning that Gloria is still dismissed from the court.
We come back to Claire who is with Alex and Haley, showing them around her workplace 'Pritchett's: Closets and Blinds'. Claire says "Ladies, right this way, come in" Haley appears and then Alex, Alex says "Oh, you're in Grandpa's office?", Claire then says "Of course, it's no big deal, I'm here all the time, I mean practically every day I'm-" Claire is trying to put her chair back in position but struggles to do so. When she does get it into position Haley asks "Does that guy with the tattoos still work on the loading docks? When I was 15 he gave me my first catcall." Haley then laughs and Claire tells her that that was his last day of work. someone then comes in and asks "Hey! oh, where's Jay?" Claire then tells him "He's not here, but I'm filling in, what can I do you for?", the guy then says "Um,... I'll ask him tomorrow", he then walks out and Claire asks him "A-are you sure I-" Claire then turns to her girls and says "Men are often intimidated by a strong powerful woman", a woman walks in with a guy and asks "Jay around?" to which Claire tells them no, the woman says "Oh, damn it" and they start to walk out and Claire says "Hey! Hey, he-hey, (Claire gets out of her chair and walks towards them) Captains' chair is not empty, I'm here, let me help you" the woman asks "Seriously?" Claire replies back with the same thing. The woman starts "Okay, well, we need to take a delivery of 100 mirror doors but Warehouse 1 and 2 are both full" Claire then says "Huh, okay I know what to do I've got um" the guy who the woman is with then says "What if we move the drawers into that busted semi on loading dock 4" Claire then interrupts with "And that works because.." the woman carries on and Claire after feels the need to get involved in the conversation and says "10%!". The people leave and Claire looks at her girls and says "You see what I did there, is I created a framework for problem solving and I didn't spoonfeed them the answers. It's just good management." Alex then says "Yeah! That's exactly what it looked like" Haley joins in the sarcasm. Another man comes in with "Hey, Jay, I need a decision on that- (he sees Claire) Oh boy" he then walks out and Claire says "Get back here, Dom!" He turns back around and Claire asks "What needs to be decided?" Dom then says "Well, we're throwing that party later for Homes' Retiremtent and Jay's just sort of the master when it comes to picking out cakes" and Claire tells him that she's here and can help him. Claire then says "Ice-cream cake" Dom then says "Mmm, I don't know 'bout that" Claire then says "It's a cake, it'll be fine", Dom then starts to say something and Claire says "Just get it!", Dom then walks out. Claire then turns to her girls again and says "No matter how big or small the issue, people want their leaders to be decisive. Haley and Alex once again use sarcasm to infalte their Mothers' confidence. Dom comes back asking what flavour the ice-cream cake should be and Claire tells him 'Mint Chip' Dom tells Claire he'll come back and Claire shouts "I said Mint Chip!" unaware that he heard and he just thinks it'd be better if he asked when her daughters weren't there.
We are back with Jay and the teacher at 'The Learnin' Barn'. Jay calls out to his son and Joe runs past his Dad, Jay then says that he's like Bruce Willis in the Sixith Sense. The teacher turns around to him asking him to put the Craft table on the --. Jay then attempts to put the Craft Table down and the teacher tells him "No." Jay then says "For a word you don't use, I'm sure hearing it a lot" the teacher explains she points to the Craft Table and says "That's the Craft Table, you're holding the Feelings Table, where we talk about how we feel", Jay then says "Hey Mr. Table, I feel like breaking you over a hippie (talking about the teacher)".
We are now with Mitchell and Gloria who are at the household of Mitch and Cam. Gloria asks him "Well, you're the lawyer, when can I go to dury duty again?" Mitchell tells Gloria that he has no idea as she's the first person who has ever asked that question. Gloria then vents her frustration: "I am so frustrated, this reminds me when I was a little girl in my village and we had no power." Mitchell then jumps asking what story it is, thinking it's a story he remembers, Gloria tell him that it's a story about political power, "we had no say in anything, but now I am an American, so I thought things were going to be different, I wanted to listen to testimony, look at the evidence, have somebody burts in with new information". Ironically at this moment Cameron bursts into the room with new information, saying "Mitchell, guess what just happened?" Mitchell then tells Cam that he's home early, Cam tells him that he gets a 2 hour lunch break on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Lily then says "And summer's off, I'm beginning to get the low pay", Cam tells Mitch that Pepper texted him saying 'I'm not coming if both Jamarcus and Raymond are there', Mitch then takes the phone from Cam reading out the text: "If I wanted this much attention in a space that small, I'd go up to my Mothers' room", Gloria states "That's not nice", Cam then tells Mitchell that they can't afford to throw another bad party, Cam tells Mitchell that he has to call Raymond right now and tell him not to come. Mitchell then tells Cam that he can't believe that him and Pepper aren't being more compassionate about the situation, Mitch then tells Cam that Raymond is a human being. Gloria then asks "What is the problem with inviting Majarcus and Rowland?" Mitchell gives Gloria a look for saying their names wrong and Cam tells her that Jamarcus and Raymond had a horrible breakup, Mitchell jumps in with "Months ago." Cam asks Gloria what she thinks, Gloria says that she needs to know more about Jamarcus and Raymonds breakup before she adjudicates, Mitchell asks "Adjudicate?", Gloria then says "When the skies are clear, and the donkey was very strong" they would watch a show (can't hear the name of the show).
We come back to Claire with her girls, showing them around her workplace. Claire shows Haley and Alex the Mark-up room, Claire then bangs on the glass of the window to the mark-up room and tells the people in there to "keep up the marking" in a jokey fun way. Claire then tells Haley and Alex that sometimes "It's important to keep it fun", Claire, Alex and Haley get to the designing room, Claire notices the design team is having a meeting and suggest that they go in their and "give them a couple 'attaboy's'", Alex declines this saying that they look really busy and Claire says "Don't be silly, everybody loves face-time with the boss" Claire then walks into the door face first forgetting either that she didn't open the door or that which way to open the door. Everyone in the design room then turns to see what the bang was. Haley and Alex look at Claire in shock and Haley asks "Mom! Are you OK?", Claire then affirms that she is. However Alex then points out that her pupil is the size of a nickel. Haley then says that it looks like half of Claire went to a rave. The guy who came in before with the woman then says that they have a storage problem, Claire says that if its the mirror doors she thinks she's solved the problem. The guy corrects her saying that "some idiot ordered Herm and ice-cream cake", Claire then says "I don't think that name calling- wait, how is that a storage problem?", the guy beside him tells Claire that the cake won't fit in the freezer and it's melting "like a son of a bitch", Claire then says "Find the smallest room we've got and crank the AC full blast." he then tells her it's a great idea Claire gives gratitude to him but doesn't know it's sarcasm, he then says "Maybe later we could turn the heat up in the broom closet, bake some muffins", the guy next to him says "complete disaster", Claire then says "I'm gonna say something: you people are being ridiculous, it's a freakin' mint-chip cake.", the woman interrupts with "mint-chip?", Claire then affirms it is and says "You're gonna love it, and if it's melting, so what?! We move the party up a little, in fact, why don't you tell everybody to be in the middle in ten minutes." the guy then states that Jays not here, the woman agrees and adds "Who'll give Herm's farewell speech?" Claire then states that she will as she walks off she adds "..give him the best farewell speech Herm has ever heard". Haley and Alex then follow her out of the room, giving each other looks. Haley asks "Mom are you sure, you're up for this?", Alex adds "Yeah you look a little loopy". Claire then states that she'll be fine, as long as she figures out who Herm is. Alex and Haley give each other worried looks.
We are back with Phil, Luke, Manny and the other who are doing community service. Phil tells them to keep it up. Luke walks over to his Dad and says that he texted Claire a photograph of the guy and Claire says that she swears on her life that she's never seen him before. Phil then tells Luke that Claire can say that to anyone she's met at a party with an open bar. Phil then says that he thinks Luke could use another teachable moment. Luke then says something but it's drowned out by Phil who says "C'mon gather 'round, teachable (Phil then realises once again that everybody is already there.) mo-ther of!". Phil then states "Luke here thinks I got ripped off, but if that guy wasn't legit, how did he know that Luke was my son?" Luke then tells Phil that he called him Dad just before the guy acted like he knew who Luke was. Phil then asks "But how did he know that you used to be small?", Phil then realises what he just said "I get the problem with that one.", Manny then tells Phil not to give in to Lukes' hipster-sinister-ism, "I admire you're childlike faith in people, and Luke answer me this, if this guy is such a con man, how did they know you're Dad was Mr. Real Estate?" Phil then says "Boom! Someone give this kid a mic to drop". Luke then says "Wow, you got me, I'm actually feeling a little dizzy because of that, my whole world has been rocked, I'm just gonna sit down before I pass out" Luke then sits down on a bench that evidently states: Mr. Real Estate, Phil Dunphy. Manny then says "pretty smug for a guy sitting on pigeon droppings", Luke then says that it's totally worth it to prove his point.
We then come back to Jay who is at 'The Learnin' Barn', we hear Jays' voice over: "I was standing outside feeling sorry for myself...", we then hear and see, the teacher singing to the children inside "Larry the Lonely Leopard, couldn't change his spots, but once he put his smile on, look at all the friends he's got!", Jays' voice over then says "...Then I realised I was 'Larry the Lonely Leopard', I just needed to put my smile on", we cut to an "interview" of Jay saying "That song works on so many levels" we come back to Jay at 'The Learnin' Barn' and Jay comes into the room saying "Hi gang, I'm Joe's Dad, anybody wanna hear a story?" the teacher then says "That's a great idea Jay!", Jay then grabs a book and a seat and sits down, "This one's called the 'Teeny Tiny House', he reads: "In a teeny tiny town, on a teeny tiny block, stood a teeny tiny house with a teeny tiny-" Jay is then interrupted by a kid next to Joe who shouts out "You're old!", Jay hits back with "Have you seen my wife, big ears?", we cut to an "interview" where Jay says: "After that, big ears parents and I had to spend a little time at the Feelings Table.".
We are back with Cam, Mitch and Gloria. Gloria says "Let me see if I'm understanding this, so you have known Raydar longer but Jemimah is the fun one ?" Cam says "Um, Yes, and kudos for really zero-ing in on those names.", Mitch then says "Come on, Raymond's fun" Cam then asks him to name one fun thing Raymond has ever done. Mitchell then stumbles upon saying "So many things" and tries to list them "Okay, he does this thing where he imitates his parents answering machine, it's hilarious, it kills every time" Cam then jumps in correcting Cam: "And it's Jamarcus!", Mitchell then says "Damn it" realising it actually is Jamarcus who does the imitation. Gloria then asks why Mitchell is so attached to Raymond and asks Mitchell what he's not telling her and Cam. Mitchell replies "Nothing." Gloria then stands up as she says "Isn't it true that you have feelings for Raymond?" Mitchell tells her "No." Gloria then says "Admit it, you have a crush on him". Mitchell tells her "I don't", Gloria then says "You love him, you wanna be with him an you won't stop until Cameron! Is out of the picture.", Mitchell then says "Okay, oka-you're crazy!" Gloria then asks "Then why?" It seems that Gloria has finally broken Mitchell. Mitchell stumbles upon saying, "Because I am Raymond." Cam then stand up and asks Mitchell "What" in a confused way. Mitchell then explains: "Yeah, if, we ever broke up, all of our friends would pick you and I'd be the one who's left behind" Cam then starts to "Aww" for Mitch, Cam then says "Honey that's not true. I would make them invite you to stuff" Gloria can still tell he's lying, "He's lying!, I can tell from the way he's playing with his hair!", Cam states that he thinks he's actually telling the truth now. Gloria then gets up in Mitchells' face and tells him to "Say it!", Mitchell finally actually breaks and says what he doesn't want to say infront of Cameron: "Okay fine, Cam! Cam! Cam's the one I'm worried about, he's the one who's gonna be the one who gets left behind" Cameron gives Mitch a shocking look and Gloria says "I rest my case"; knowing she has done her job. Cameron picks his case up "Well, I don't rest mine!" he gets infront of Mitchell and asks why he thinks that and says he's "the bell of the ball", Mitchell makes an example of "the bell of the ball" saying "Right there, that's the type of thing you should let other people say.... about a woman" Cameron then tells him a truth: "Nobody really cares about your political rants, our friends don't wanna hear about the 'Koch Brothers', unless you're talking about a couple hot guys in a bathroom in a nightclub." Mitchell tells Cam that he has no filter, "you say whatever rude thing you're thinking and that ruffles Feathers", Cam then says "Feathers has terrible breath, and I was the only one with the decency to tell him". Gloria then tells them both to sit down, saying "I have reached my decision: Raymond is coming to the party." Mitchell then under his breath says "Yess", Gloria then says that after what she heard today she thinks that there's a big chance that they'll both be the ones left behind. Cam says "Wow" and Mitchell says "You know you're not under oath right ?" Gloria then just smiles, happily.
We then come back to Phil, who is putting the garbage out and sees the guy he was talking to, talking to another person, we overhear him saying "Hey! There he is! How longs it been Mr. Sport Coat?", we then hear Phils' voiceover from him being "interviewed": "And there it was: the ultimate teachable moment", we cut to Phil, Luke, Manny and all of the other teenager dumping their trash into the guys car. Manny says "I guess the answer is 'nothing', nothing separates us from animals" Phil then tells Manny to grow up, "Human beings are basically terrible", Luke then joins in with a "Yeah!". The guy then comes back to his car asking "What the hell?", Phil then says "There he is! Mr. Full of Garbage.", he then asks what he is doing and Phil tells him "Payback for turning a bunch of innocent kids into cynics by praying on my good nature and pretending you know me!" Luke again then joins in with a "Yeah!". The guy says "Phil!, Dr. Monty Lemon, I delivered Luke!", Phil then tells the guy that "Dr. Monty Lemon was thinner, had more hair and was a good 15 years younger than y- oh" Phil then realises that it's 15 years later and it is actually Dr. Monty Lemon. Luke then says "Oh, yeah, you're in my baby photos" Monty then gives Phil and Luke a disapproving look.
We come back to Claire's place of work, we see a guy standing next to a sign that says "So long, Herm" and the now melted and dripping mint chip flavored ice cream cake, he then asks if anyone wants any of the cake to get a cup, a guy then says that he'll have some, only for the other guy to tell him that it's mint chip, he then sighs and turns back around. We then see Claire rush down a hallway and enter into the room, Haley and Alex are waiting for her. Claire sees Haley and Alex and says "Did it, I got Herms personnel file and I wrote a kick ass speech". Haley then points out that Claires' eye is turning black and blue. Alex then asks Claire what happened to her hand, Claire then says "Um, nothing, I just gashed it trying to get into the filing cabinet. Nothing stitch or two at Urgent Care can't fix". a guy then calls out to Claire "Hey, err 'boss', are we gonna do this?" Claire then replies "Oh, we're doing this.", Claire then turns to her girls, Haley and Alex and says that she knows it's been a tricky day but she's proud that they're are there to see her do this. Claire then tells everyone in the room to gather around. As people in the room start to gather around Claire walks up the steps to the stage toward the cake and the sign to make her speech, Claire doesn't get there easily though, but once she gets there she slips on the cake that's been dripping onto the floor. Haley and Alex rush forward to see if their Mom is OK. We hear Claire say "Stupid ice-cream cake" Claire tries to get up again but fails and falls again. Alex then tells her Mom that she can stay down and give up. Claire then tells them "No, I need this", Haley then tells her "I know you think you need to impress us but you don't, you've impressed us our whole lives" Alex then finishes it "and especially today, nobody but you could put up with this much punishment and keep going". Claire then says "It means so much, it really does, but I've got a ob to do, I wanna do it." Alex and Haley step back and rejoin the crowd. Claire then stands up and cleans herself off, Claire then starts to read from her paper of research and says "Herm, is so many things to so many people: to his three sons, he is a role model, to his wife Deloris, he is a devoted husband, and to his six rescue beagles-" Claire is then cut off by a the guy telling her she has the wrong Herm, Claire then asks "What?", he tells her that she is talking about Herm Anderson, while she's supposed to be talking about Herm Cololski. Claire then asks "There are 2 Herms?" the guy then corrects her to "3", Claire then finally gives up "Okay, I'm out".
We are now back with Gloria who has just come home, she calls out to Jay, who then tells her that he's in the same room as her with booze. Gloria then says "Aww, how are you?" Jay then tells her that he's fine and asks why she asked. Gloria tells him "The school called and they said that a mean boy made fun of you", Jay then makes a 'sshh' sound and tells Gloria that he can probably hear them from their home saying that the kid has ears bigger than Stellas'. Gloria then asks "Other than that how was it?", Jay tells her that it's "like being in the tube slide: not a good fit. Just not my thing. And don't give me that business about bonding, because Joe didn't even know I was there", Gloria then says "Well if it makes you feel any better, I got rejected from dury duty so you don't have to go to school anymore" Joe then comes running in saying "Mommy, Mommy!" he runs into Gloria's arms and Gloria asks "How was your school day?" Joe then says "Best day ever 'cause Daddy was there!" Gloria then asks "Really, did you like Daddy being in school?" Joe then says "He made snacks, he read books and we call Tommy 'big ears'!". Jay then says that he's glad it stuck, Joe then asks "Daddy, can you come back tomorrow?", Jay then asks if Joe really wants him back tomorrow, to which Joe affirms, saying "Yeah", Jay is then "interviewed" where he says "What do you know? I'm a hit!".
There is an ending scene where Jay is stuck in the tube slide and yells for help. Tommy comes over to the tube slide and says "Hello!", Jay says "Tommy? Tommy!, oh hey!, I'm kinda stuck here could you go and get a grownup?" Tommy then says "Sorry, can't hear you" and runs off. Jay then says "Really? With those ears? I'm sorry that was uncalled for. What do you want? Money? I got money." We then see Jays' wallet drop and he says "Go 'head use the credit card, you'll spend less than my wife".
(The characters striked out do not appear in this episode)
- Jay Pritchett
- Gloria Pritchett
- Manny Delgado
- Joe Pritchett
- Claire Dunphy
- Phil Dunphy
- Haley Dunphy
- Alex Dunphy
- Luke Dunphy
- Mitchell Pritchett
- Cameron Tucker
- Lily Tucker-Pritchett
- Vicki Lewis as Erica
- Kevin Chamberlin as Dr. Monty Lemon
- Philip Anthony-Rodriguez as Tim
- Kasey Mahaffy as Dom
- Kevin Berntson as Raymond
- Christopher Darga as Lou
- Ron Perkins as Judge
- Craig Welzbacher as Mark
- Lateefah Holder as Nicole
- Tijuana Ricks as Attorney
- Marsha Kramer as Margaret
- Spenser McNeil as Reuben
- Jackson Garner as Tommy
- It's Erica, Mark and Tim's 2nd appearance as they return from "Summer Lovin", " Rash Decisions" and "The Big Game".
- Haley attended community service in "When a Tree Falls".
- "Patriot Games" showed Gloria impatient to be called in a duty jury, which she does in this episode.
- Haley helped Phil at his work in "Spring-a-Ding-Fling"
- Jay states that he's like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense, when Joe runs past him after Jay calls out to him.
- When in an argument Cameron states to Mitchell that their friends don't wanna hear Mitchells' political rants such as the 'Koch Brothers'.